I’ve neglected the power of recording events. It’s been nearly 6 months since the last entry. I think I wrote a short post while I was in California. I’m now back in Ohio. The past couple of weeks were rough. I arrived here November 17th? I know it was the week before Thanksgiving, and I arrived on a Thursday. The night before my flight, I booked a hotel room and as any addict fresh out of rehab would, I met with a familiar mistress and started the trend of isolation with this old partner. This pervasive pattern has affected the work I had put in while sober, in California, eyes bright and future becoming secure. I ran from all of that. I was sober in California, and I relapsed here in Ohio. I had a safety net there, friends, the program, and plans for the future. Why did I leave all of that behind? Because it felt fake? The progress I had made was solely character development, dependent on the rehabilitation services and insurance? No, there’s something that triggered this change. I was informed without plan that I had to leave. I had been skimming the program and cutting corners. My addict personality was beginning to take control, and I was destined to relapse. If I do not aim to change my daily habits then I will reap the consequences of bad health, both mental and physical in the time ahead.
I reached a stage of progression, without tangible progress- a stage where I had all the tools in place to be successful and happy. It was challenging and I noticed that I had began to change, more mental than physical. Albeit lifting weights and eating healthily, I had started to wean off of psych meds. This was the fulcrum of change. This changed my mindset and mood.
I took a heroic dose of magic mushrooms and weed gummies on the night before my flight. After arriving, I purchased a THC pen from a gas station. That same week I bought a PS4. After several days, I decided to venture to the city. I immediately bought a small handle of vodka and blacked out that night, which was the night before last. I’m now trying to piece together a plan for my life. The hiccups are a reminder of the past. It has not been that long since my falling.
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