First class is at 12, the second around 1:30. Retaking both Advanced Composition and Abnormal Psych. I’ve been putting myself down, thinking about everything and anything that can seemingly be relevant.
From Jordan B. Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life, on comparing yourself to others/things:
“When the internal critic puts you down using such comparisons, here’s how it operates: First, it selects a single, arbitrary domain of comparison (fame, maybe, or power). Then it acts as if that domain is the only one that is relevant. Then it contrasts you unfavorably with someone truly stellar, within that domain. It can take that final step even further, using the unbridgeable gap between you and its target of comparison as evidence for the fundamental injustice of life. That way your motivation to do anything at all can be most effectively undermined. Those who accept such an approach to self-evaluation certainly can’t be accused of making things too easy for themselves. But it’s just a big a problem to make things too difficult.”
The frame I compare myself in is that of age. The nursing program will take 3 years. I will be 30 by the time it finishes. Albeit my neighbors, who may be on the spectrum, are 2-3 years my senior and still live at home, I don’t compare myself to anyone stellar. I compare myself to someone lower in the hierarchy* of social life, and I use this to fuel my indignation against Being. This has undermined my thoughts recently.
*What hierarchy do you say they are in? Are they not happy individuals, with jobs? Do they not make money? They are intelligent, too. So judgemental for a guy, who- we will not get into specifics. I am not one to hold judgement when I am not a perfect man. They are not a good reference point. I would use Boo Radley, but he has a semblance of goodness to him. I struggle seeing something within myself.
I must give myself grace. Do you remember how you got here? Do you remember the years of complacency and drug abuse? The pit is shallow, but the the only things holding myself down are the chains of self-consciousness. I am doing so much better than before.
I start class today. Just two classes. Keep it simple, guy. Keep it very simple. Do not think so much about frivolous things. Everything will work out if your mind is in the right place at the right time. Take it easy.
bumisdum.com 