Classes went OK. I’m sure I will be learning much more about myself this semester as I work honestly at both of these classes. We were supposed to write ~300 words on why we were there, which I scrapped out in less than 10 minutes. The girl sitting next to me, I think she was a nervous type, or the type accustomed to letting AI write all of her projects- told me that we could leave when we were done- reiterating what the professor had said. I didn’t think this was right, but I was overwhelmed at her emotional state and the density of the class. This was a case of mind-reading. She had first asked me how she could get the specific word document she was working on to her laptop and I suggested email. “Email…?” She said like it was an ancient technology. Then we spoke of the cloud and how it was slow, and further on in the class I intuitively thought I was making her nervous because I had finished typing, and her words of “I like to write, but…” Nonetheless, I shouldn’t of gave half a shit. I will give myself grace as it was the first day of class, but I will not let another person’s ‘monkeys’ into my circus. I then waited in my car for 50 minutes, meditating/ruminating, until 15 minutes before my Psych class. While the first class, brimming with different walks of life and almost full, my psych class sat around 10 students. I felt much better in that environment. I think the feeling will change further along in the semester when difficult topics bring difficult emotions. Both professors are very knowledgeable and I will be able to learn a lot about the subject and myself if I carefully apply the hard work I have put in the last couple of months.
Today, I go to work at Home Depot. Another shift as a plumbing associate. I show up, wait for the full timers to get their stuff, get into the apron, grab a phone and log in to see what needs to be stocked. I try to pace myself on days like today, as there is nothing but stocking to be done. When I finish stocking, well, I stock some more. And if there’s a customer looking for a specifically named item, well, I help them find it. The trouble I face is when it comes to specifics or when a customer needs a larger item from the rafters. I don’t have the technical knowledge to answer most questions and can google such, but my knowledge in plumbing is limited. When someone needs a water heater, I have to call someone with a lift certification. These individuals are usually hard up and easily annoyed. I should get certified for ease of access and peace of mind, but I don’t want to risk my biscuits for the betterment of a multi-billion dollar store. I will reap the benefits of “success-sharing”, where I get a “cut” of the stores “profits” because we were ranked high in the region(?) I don’t know. What I do know is that I feel wasted at this job. I will bring positivity and do the best that I can, but this is not it for me. I want more. It does feel good to have independent income, not to be dependent on all things from my parents. My purchases are positive; groceries, gas, and some clothing. I am rebuilding my life. I am doing well for where I am.
I also have therapy today. I am more prepared for this encounter. I will let him talk. I will listen. I will ask questions when appropriate. This is my treatment, and I will get out of it what I need. I am still figuring what that exactly is, what I need, so I will take it slow- listen, ask questions, and take note. I am learning to learn again.
bumisdum.com 