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I struggle to find the words to describe my current state. I haven’t slept and spent the latter 12 hours “stim fapping”. The climax was watery and mostly piss. I currently have no shame due to exercising the lack of self respect. I now await the effects of the second dose of stimulants to wear off and sleep to provide whatever restoration can be achieved at this point. I fear the uncertainty of death, yet I gamble each time I repeat this cycle of chemical and physical neglect.

I have reached out to mental health professionals; therapists, counselors, and psychologists- in hopes of lessening the burden of unnecessary suffering. A psychologist followed up with me and offers the service of psychotherapy. I am uncertain of what type of treatment I need to help myself. Cognitive-behavioral therapy looks to be a good option to start.